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  • Kristan Higgins

And good morning to you, too!

Updated: May 3, 2022


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I’m a vivid dreamer. Sometimes, that’s a blessing—Robert Downey Jr. and I have had several very romantic dates in the ether world, and Derek Jeter and I have gotten married not once, but twice. I’ve dreamt of my darling grandparents and my dad, who come to visit me from the afterlife. I usually dream between 5 and 5:30, when I wake up, so I remember a lot of my dreams.


But I also have weird, inexplicable dreams. And I’m a talker, so I tend to narrate them to my poor husband. And so…


Things Kristan Has Said to McIrish Upon Awakening: (Note: I rarely mumble. I use my outside voice.)


“I’m being paralyzed. Why won’t you help me? I can’t move my arms!”


“There’s a tick in my back and it’s spurting Lyme disease into my spine!”


“I found the baby! Why aren’t you more excited?”


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“You fix it.” (I hand him my iPhone, which serves as our alarm clock.) “It’s your damn cathedral.”


“Why did you divorce me? Don’t you love me anymore?”


“I dreamed James Franco and I were married and we were really happy!”


“My head is frozen.”


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You may be shaking your head and thinking, “That poor McIrish is a saint.” But hey! At least we have interesting things to talk about over coffee.

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