Observations from 26,000 Feet

Yeah, right.

We are still on the runway an hour after boarding at 8:07 a.m. today. The woman next to me has been asleep almost since the moment we sat down. I envy that skill. Despite getting up at 4:15 this morning, I’m wide awake. She’s out cold, open-mouthed and drooling and everything. Lucky.

That being said, I have no idea how to climb over her when I have to go to the bathroom. Speaking of the bathroom, I have an irrational fear of the plane crashing while I’m in there, like the rock star drug addict in Lost. I don’t want to be found with my pants down, you know?

I can see the Tappan Zee Bridge from here! McIrish will be so jealous. Hello, West Coast Lifter, the biggest crane in the world! And thank you, McIrish, because I know far more about bridge construction than I ever guessed I would.

The coffee is surprisingly delicious. Thank you, Delta! Also, I shouldn’t have drunk so much coffee. And I should stop asking for refills. But the coffee is so good, and the flight attendants are so nice! This is not the case on United, where I swear, a flight attendant almost bit me once.

I forgot to say my Hail, Mary during takeoff. The fact that this blog is up is proof that God gave me a pass this time. Thanks, God! It won’t happen again.

They’re showing Minions on the tiny little screens. I think they should show plane-crash movies to lower our odds of crashing. Because really, what are the odds? “There we were, watching Cast Away, and right as the Fed Ex plane goes down, so did we!” Highly dubious.

I have successfully climbed over my seatmate. I had to basically straddle her and do a little jump, and then I staggered a little into the guy across the aisle, earning a glare. He’d look better without the beard. I may tell him that if he keeps up with the stink-eye. She didn’t even stir when I crawled over her to get back, bless her heart. I won’t have to worry about sexual harassment charges being filed.

I don’t have the software to support an in-flight movie, and my Mac security won’t let me download it. Figures. A pox upon you, Mac! Ah, well, I’ll work on my book instead. Usually, I don’t, but since Rip Van Winkle is my seatmate, there’s no reason to be self-conscious.

I’d better get off to it, then! Have a wonderful week, gang!