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  • Kristan Higgins

Secret Talents

Updated: Apr 10, 2022

I was recently asked by an interviewer about my secret talents. “Um…I don’t have any,” I said, my mind blank.

“Oh, you must,” she said.

“Okay…I can burp babies very well,” I said.

She waited. So did I. Very little leaped to mind. “I can clean a bathroom better than anyone I know,” I offered. “I can, um…I speak a little Russian. I can ask ‘Where is the factory, Ivan?’ But I won’t be able to understand the answer. I only took three years.”

“Moving on,” she said.

But it irked me. Clearly, I don’t have enough secret talents! This is largely because I tend to blurt out personal information to strangers, especially while on an airplane. But her question made me feel inept, so I’m going to spend some time developing secret talents.

There are some things I think I’d be good at. I think I’d be a great oil painter, despite the fact that I can only draw stick figures. I believe that I have the makings of a great cage fighter (I’m serious. Stop laughing.). I’m convinced I would be an excellent soldier, sort of like Forrest Gump, and often envision myself rescuing the wounded. I’m certain I could deliver a baby and have offered quite a few times to give it a whirl.

So on Monday, in order to develop a secret talent, I’m going to start a class in something. I’ll probably forget it’s supposed to be a secret talent and post about it on Facebook. And then I’ll have to find something else.


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