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  • Kristan Higgins

Slug masks

Updated: May 5, 2022

Last week, the Princess and I once again indulged in our love of miracle skincare products. This time, it was slug masks.

We did not look quite this glam.

We did not look quite this glam.

Well, probably not actual slugs. But that’s what they felt like. On a night when McIrish was at the firehouse and we were once again determined to refresh, renew and revitalize, we applied slimy, cold patches of unknown materials with slime made from unknown…slime to our under-eye region.

We sat. We waited.

People really buy this stuff? (Er…yes.)

People really buy this stuff? (Er…yes.)

And then…the reveal. She went first, peeling off the slug patches from her face with little trouble (unlike the gold masks we tried in January, which removed a great deal of flesh and eyebrow hair). The results?

The Princess, gazing upon herself in the mirror: “Look at me! I’m 12 again!”

Me: “It’s incredible!”

Princess: “I look so much younger!” (She’s 23.)

Me: “You do! You look 22 and a half!”

Then it was my turn. I peeled off the first slimy little sucker, handed it to my child, since I’m still immobile, and took up the mirror. “Oh…my…God! Oh, my God! One half of my face is completely unrecognizable from the other! Look at me! I’m beautiful!”

Me and my little bunny rabbit.

Me and my little bunny rabbit.

At this point, we were laughing so hard that I had to crutch it to the bathroom. The packet instructions said to let the slime absorb into our skin for extra benefit. We opted to wash our faces instead.

Verdict: For laughs with your lovely daughter, A+.

For under-eye puffiness, F.

In other words, we can’t wait to do it again.


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